Meet Jake Botcher
London's Finest Cockney Sommelier
We meet Botcher in East London, in a wine bar that knows exactly what it is.
A Wine bar.
In London, you meet all sorts in the wine trade.
Some take it very seriously. Some less so.
Jake tends to sit somewhere in the middle, though not always for long.
“Would you Adam and Eve it?”
He grins before we’ve even started.
Wine Stain: Jake, it’s a pleasure. Let’s kick off with how you found yourself in the world of wine. Straight path, or a bit more… winding?
Jake Botcher: Hello me old China. Oh, mate, it was more like havin’ a bubble bath than anything straight.
Started off in the kitchen. Absolute jam jar with the pots and pans. But then I got a crack at the bar, the wine list… and that was it.
First time I had a proper butcher’s at a decent bottle, I was gob-smacked. Thought, “This ain’t just grape juice, you mug.”
From there, it was down the cellar and no coming back.
Wine Stain: And now you’re deep in it. So, what’s your go-to?
Jake Botcher: You’re asking me to pick a favorite child there.
If I had to… Red Burgundy. Meo, Engel, Champy these days. It’s about the grower, innit. What’s going on upstairs.
There’s always something just out of reach with it. Keeps you interested.
But then, middle of summer, bit of sun out, you’re not beating a cold Chablis. Raveneau if you can get near it. Gueguen or a bit of Louis Michel if you can’t.
That’s proper bees and honey.
Wine Stain: How do you keep up with it all? Trends, regions, all the noise?
Jake Botcher: You’ve got to get out, mate. Frog and toad it. Taste everything.
Have a whistle, go see the people making it.
That’s where it makes sense.
London helps. Everyone’s bringing something in. You see what the plates of meat are walking through the door with.
And none of us are on our Jack Jones, are we. You pick things up.
Wine Stain: Any moments where a wine really changed someone?
Jake Botcher: All the time mate. Had a bloke who swore blind he only drank lager. Wouldn’t look at a wine list. Gave him a Neal Family Zin from Rutherford.
Just a taste. Watched him go quiet.
Now he’s in every week, asking questions, getting into it. Wants to know what’s what.
That’s the bit I like. When it clicks for someone.
Wine Stain: Ever thought about making your own?
Jake Botcher: Yeah, I have, actually.
Find a bit of land somewhere. Sussex, Essex. Nothing fancy. See what happens.
If Taittinger and Pommery can do it, why not me?
A cockney winemaker. Imagine that.
Just need a bit of sausage in the rattle first.
Wine Stain: We have to ask… the resemblance. Jason Statham. You must get it.
Jake Botcher: All the time. But let’s clear this up now.
Only thing we’ve got in common is the looks. And the ‘barnet.’ Mine’s a choice.
Can he tell Margaux from Pontet-Canet? Doubt it.
Let’s not forget. I’m the original. He looks like me, mate...
…I’m only havin’ a laugh.
Though if it gets me a free Ruby or a cheap round the rub-a-dub, I might start signing autographs.
Can you spot which one is Jake and which one is Statham?
Wine Stain: Any moments where things have… got away from you a bit?
Jake Botcher: Oh, mate.
There was this one time, right. Proper tasting down in the cellar.
Mood lighting, bit of theatre, the whole thing.
Halfway through, bloke comes charging down the stairs dressed as Henry VIII.
Full get-up. Fur, chain, the lot.
Says he’s time-travelling. Looking for the perfect plonk for Anne Boleyn.
Turns out he’d been out with some reenactment lot. Got a bit carried away. Someone’s passed something round. I think it was mushrooms.
Next thing he’s in my cellar challenging bottles to duels with a plastic sword.
Room is in bits. Everyone thinks it’s part of the evening.
And I’m stood there trying to keep it together while Henry’s swirling a glass like he’s Judge Judy.
You couldn’t write it.
Would’ve been nice if he’d brought something from the 16th century with him. Absolute waste of a trip. Mug.
Wine Stain: And after that, anything feels manageable. What’s next?
Jake Botcher: I’ve been thinking about a wine that changes with your mood.
Bit low, it softens out.
Bit lively, it sharpens up.
No idea how you’d do it.
But then again, I’ve dealt with Tudor time travelers, so who knows.
Wine Stain: Last one. Where should people start with wine?
Jake Botcher: Start with what you like.
Don’t try and be clever about it. No point forcing something that makes your face fold in on itself like Kenneth Williams. They should make Carry on Somm.
Find a place where people care. Ask questions. Taste things.
And don’t worry about getting it wrong. There’s no such thing, really.
Wine Stain: Jake, it's been an absolute 'bubble bath'. Thank you for sharing your world with us. I know that you’ve joined the Indelible Wine Stain team.
Jake Botcher: Anytime, mate. Pleasure's all mine.
Yes, look out for a future column at the IWS and of course, wine reviews.
Oh, and remember, life's too short to drink bad wine or to be anyone but yourself…even if you do look like a Hollywood hard man. Or he looks like you.
Remember, Statham was a dancer in a Shaman video and an Olympic diver first and foremost. Cheers!
Jake Botcher is part of that particular London tradition.
Knows his stuff, doesn’t make a fuss about it, and somewhere along the line, things tend to get a bit strange.
Which, in this case, feels about right.